Humorscopes

I'm not the type to read horoscopes or care about astrological signs. But I found this website with the "daily humorscope" and they are hilarious. I cut and pasted today's humorscopes- some are really funny. Enjoy.

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

Today will be a complete waste of time. You will at least learn to spell "equaminity."..er..."equanimbity"...no...hmmm. You will learn to spell a word like that, today.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

Beware of men on stilts, today. (I'm sorry, but professional ethics prevent me from revealing more. You'll understand, though, when the "situation" occurs.)

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

You will be in a somewhat ornery mood when you go out to an Italian restaurant tonight. You will insist on chopsticks.

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

A person named "Elmo" will call you repeatedly, and will refuse to believe that he's dialed a wrong number.

Leo (July 23 - August 22)

You will feel an odd compulsion to stack books, symmetrically, in the public library. Try to resist it.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

You will write some office email soon that positively sparkles with comic irony. You'll be asked to knock it off.

Libra (September 23 - October 22)

Remember: you can't tell your boss to get lost. You can, however, give him the wrong directions.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

Money will come from an unexpected source. If you put it in a mesh bag and run it throught the washer, you'll get most of the smell out.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

In the grocery store, you will see quite a few people with infants in their shopping carts. Try though you might, however, you will not be able to find the bin with the children. Perhaps they're sold out? Important Safety Tip: do not stop one of the women with an infant and ask her to show you where her baby came from.

Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)

You will find yourself in a huge handbasket, before the end of the day, and it will be getting much warmer than you like.

Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)

Try to avoid nibbling on things today. Despite recent developments, you don't actually know your friend that well yet.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

You've been getting tired of the same old "look", day after day. Maybe you should get a tattoo? I'll bet people with tattoos never get tired of 'em!